i’ve always thought about the great idea that there are so many people in your life that watch you grow, whether it be a pleasure for them, or a hurting feeling, a feeling of loss. sometimes you don’t notice it for years, lately, i notice it as the weeks go by, that we have all been nurtured and tortured, is so pure and so fatal. that everyone will always have thieir own secrets, despite what people tell you. that you can watch bits of your own life pass by as you watch others, yearning after them. the days are blending together, in such a perfectly formed way that i haven’t even noticed it before now. and i’m wondering what’s guiding them, is it that i’ve only been half here? that i’ve not even been present? my relationships with people are changing, growing, splitting, transforming. why can’t i?